Stop asking people if they need help!

Updated: May 18

What is the first thing that comes to mind when someone asks you if you need help? Typically it is No, I've got this. Thanks though. We don't want help, we don't want to admit to ourselves or others that we need help. No matter how easy or hard the task may be. When we have a task in had that we need to take care of, we already told ourselves how we are going to do it. If we didn't put into our plan someone helping us, we truly don't think we need help. It is in our human nature to say no. Like a little kid their favorite word is "no" even when they want something, they still tend to say no. I truly don't think we ever grow out of that habit. Mostly because that kid learned no from the influences around them saying no. If you had to tally every time you said no, you'd realize you say it more then you think. So when someone says "Do you need help with anything? Most the time you are going to say no, thank you. Then your off the hook, you asked and they said no. I can feel better about myself for sitting back and watching them do everything...

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Now when we ask someone "Do you need help"? we almost hope they say no. It's like we know they are going to say no. So when you ask someone if they need help, you don't turly mean you wish to help them... Most the time when they say yes you dread the moment. Then you have to ask what can i do? Then you'll finish that one this they asked and walk away. You won't ask again because you didn't want to help in the first place. Changing your first question changes your aproch that you really want to help.


  1. What can I help you with?

  2. How can I help you with?

  3. Can i... may i... Let me...

These removes the question and obligation that the person needing help has to admit they need help or answer a question you don't want answered. Putting yourself into the questions, allows yourself and the other person to know that you have already put yourself in their plan to help them. Now if after this point they still say no, you can push a little more to let them know you really want to help but sometimes some people will stick with doing it themselves or they have it under control. Don't let this change your mind though on helping them. Stay close, let that person feel like you may not be physically helping them but you can be supporting them. This may lead to them asking you for help.

Now asking for help can be even more scary and hard then asking someone if you can help them. We are built in our human nature that we don't need anyone, we don't need help. I'll show them that I can do it all on my own... When in reality it almost makes you stronger admiting to yourself you could use help, that you can't do something on your own. It doesn't make you any less of a person becuase you didn't do it all on your own. Break away from the mind set of doing everything on your own and learn how you can properly ask someone for help.

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